Tuesday, May 27, 2014

The parts of me that won't let go

This last year's pain came flooding back when I did to you what was done to me. But this time, although it hurts to be the one to let go, I hope clarity rang forth. 
He holds my hand at this time but his soft grip is not comforting to me. The parts of me that won't let you go are trying to overcome the parts of me that know our distance is best. If I saw you now I'd cry. I'd hug you and smell you. Worse--I'd take everything I said to you yesterday back. 
"I'm sorry,"I cried. But did you believe me?
I desperately want you to know this God who breaks me in the places I  don't want to be broken. That's why I did what I did. Because he broke me. Because he wants all of me. And he wants you. 
My name means favor, grace, gracious. My name means "God provided this." I want you to know those are sovereign stamps on me. Because grace is mine. Because God craftily placed you in my life for something bigger. It's humbling. No pride there. He wants you. 
That should make me laugh but what I did may feel like rejection. I want to cry because I know I've hurt you. 
I believe God heals all wounds. Not time. Time does nothing if you don't do anything with it. I believe he's taking care of you. 
He's answering my prayers. 
He wants me. Oh, but he has me and he cannot let go because he loves me so. 
He wants you too. 
Your name means warrior. Fight with him not against him. You'll never want to leave his side. 
He wants you. His voice is echoing through you even now.


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